The thing no one prepares you for is how two little feet and two little hands become the gravitational pull of every facet of your life.

From your health, to your job, to your relationships, to literally everything. My son was the vacuum that pulled my life out of orbit and catapulted it into a different universe where it felt like no one spoke our language and where he was determined to upend everyone and everything we came across. Even now, in this spinning, upside down world I sometimes find myself, sitting in the middle of a store with my flat gentle hand on the back of a little boy whilst he is telling me to "Fuck off" or wiping the dirt off of my face outside of a supermarket after I've just been pelted by the pile of stones on the floor because he was dysregulated and I missed the warning signs.

But underneath all of it, a force of life that unbeknownst to the small body that houses it is the greatest single thing to ever happen to me. End of sentence. Full stop. I have not slept properly since before he was born. I never made up the sleep debt from the 800 days of him waking some 10 times per night. I look older than I am now, and that is okay.

I am many things...a behaviour support person, a mum to a son that engages in challenging behaviours on some days. But what I am not is someone who has given up on him or understanding and advocating for children like him. The misunderstood ones. The ones called "naughty" or "bad". I am their biggest cheerleader because I know, with all my heart (and brain from doing lot of studying on the topic), that these little souls do not wake up wanting to hurt, to hit, to scratch, to bite. They wake up wanting to feel love, to show love, and to share love. They wake up wanting to rule the world and to be the best version of themselves they can be. I also know that their parents have to go through some of the hardest moments imaginable. And its often behind closed doors and then sometimes on the floor in the middle of a shopping centre with people all around but never feeling so alone.

Parents and carers, yes, I see you. And although I will never truly understand your situation, I would like to try. Because your story is important. Because you are not alone.

Say it outloud "I am amazing. I am doing one hell of an amazing job!" because you are, even when no one tells you and even when you've shouted and even when you've lost your cool. No one knows how freaking exhausting it is so I would like to tell you- it's okay, forgive yourself. It's okay. You are loved.